The Silence Boss

There is a right time, ranging in seconds, in any group conversation wherein you can respond to a question or a comment without making the speaker feel uncomfortable and at the same time, give enough time for others in the group to respond.

The ideal spread of silence.

That silence is comfortable, as people wait, until they continue waiting for too long.
They look around and exercise their ability to read facial cues
to see if anybody is… just… about… to… respond.

And then… nobody responds. 

You know the awkward stage has been kicked off when the diagnosis starts,

“hmm..ok..what’s going on? why is nobody saying anything?”,
“somebody say something!”,
“should I say something?”,
“na... it’s too late”,
“nope…not doing it. Now it’s too weird”.
And yeah, now it is weird.

The crestfallen speaker looks around and they move on, trying to pick up the broken pieces of their confidence. And when that happens, the audience finally concludes their deliberation - “Ah! Missed it!” - with an ironic sigh of relief.

And scene.

This kind of destructive group behavior is now more apparent in virtual meetings. Thanks to network lags and the option to switch off videos. Gestures and expressions directed at a particular person are easier to pull off when you are physically present with them. Group video chats make it easier to take less effort. But even within a group of people who are physically present, things can get awkward. Imagine a classroom setting where a professor asks a question and nobody responds. Eek! But which is the worst kind I wonder - the online or the in-person silent monologue?

You are the top dog if you decide when the ideal spread of silence should end.

You are the boss if you choose to give your peers the chance to speak, take the risk to speak first, and care enough to not make things awkward for everybody present.

And as you say your piece, the group will go through an awakening (pun intended) they would have probably gone through a hundred times already.

Thanks to the celestial aura of nurture tacitly created by you.

They will silently thank you, -  “omg! somebody responded. thank goodness!”,
appreciate you, - “wow…that was awesome”, “good one”,
and be inspired by you - “the best! Next time, for sure”.
Psst…they might even be jealous of you - “wish I could do that.”.

Will they act on it next time? That’s their call.

You be the best, the top dog, the alpha. You be the boss.