Collective Happiness
Last International Day of Happiness (Mar 20, 2022), I reflected on a quote I came across some time then:
“There is no greater gift we can give another person than allowing them to be who they are, rather than what we might want them to be.”
This quote struck a chord with me.
Growing up, I was often told to not show my teeth while smiling because my teeth were crooked. Apparently, I did not look good. Society has set unfair standards of beauty and behavior, especially for women. But why would you douse the fire in a naturally confident child by making them feel insecure about their looks? And believe me, it was hard to maintain that confidence by defying the standards set for a “good girl”. Whatever that means.
My teeth are now straight, but my fight is still on. I stay true to myself and defy this imagined reality called society by smiling to my heart’s content. Smiling is my weapon of choice. And I proudly showcase my old photos with crooked teeth. Those teeth defined me as an individual at a very young age.
Smile brings happiness, and it is a force of energy that can change form into a hug, a kiss, or simply a heartfelt chat. A smile is powerful. Try to force a smile when you are sad, when you are down, or after a power cry. Give it a few seconds and you will end up smiling for real. You will laugh at the hiccups life ambushes you with. A smile can heal. I guarantee you that.
I bumped into this unapologetic joy because I decided to be me. I never appreciated this until Rahul, my partner, came into my family. Instead of celebrating all of him and my family, their uniqueness and quirkiness combined, I decided to be a control freak with him. I was neurotic about how he sat, the words he used, how he ate, what he wore, his mannerisms, his hair, and whatnot. I was very critical of him. I wanted my family to like him and tried to hide from them his various flaws. That created undesirable friction between us that neither was comfortable with. He finally spoke to me about it and I realized that I should let him be. He is not mine to control. Nobody is. I remember the first time I tried to let go. He was a mess. He kept looking at me for cues, but I let it be. I realized that I tried to make him into something I wanted him to be and he was stuck there…in nothingness.
Once he was uncaged, he soared. He is goofy, wild, always half-naked at home, makes weird faces, wears baggy pants, and displays his underwear all the time. But he is happy and my family loves him more than ever. He is funny, makes us all laugh, and is fun to be with. That is the person I fell in love with and now they get to experience the same.
The best thing I did for him, for me, and for our relationship was that - let him be. There is a happiness that comes with being comfortable in your skin and in your person. Happiness is subjective but without a doubt, it is a quality of life that everybody seeks.
The most recent World Happiness Report published in March 2022 has an entire chapter dedicated to the Biological Basis for Happiness. They say that 60-70% of the differences in happiness between people within a country result from the effect of environmental influences that are independent of the genes. That majority…that prominent difference between a happy and an unhappy person - we have the power to influence that significant difference. We can do our bit and let others be, make them feel comfortable…happy. And in that process we ourselves can confidently simply be, achieving something I’d like to call ‘collective happiness’.
